Saturday, October 23, 2010
Blonde Geisha looks back...and homecoming
Well, here I am on the plane headed to Tokyo, Japan...Oct. 23, 2010. I guess if you go by "Tokyo time" it would really be Oct. 24. Which brings me to a small victory anniversary. Exactly two years ago, I was headed on a plane from LAX as well...only I was pretty much running for my life. To save myself from an incredibly unhealthy relationship. I was losing myself and all my confidence. And during a nightmare trip to Miami, Paris, and London (yeah, go figure) I decided I wouldn't take it anymore. NO ONE was going to tear me apart and treat me like a second rate citizen. So I started planning my getaway during the trip. And once we got back to LA, and HE left for New York and Tokyo, I watched him leave partly with relief and partly with disgust, thinking to myself " thank GOD! I will never be slave to your darkness again..." and so my new life began. I packed all my stuff, put everything in storage, and on Oct. 24th (one day before my bday) I gave myself the best present I could have ever given myself...myself. And my freedom.
Once I got on the plane and we were ready to take off, I sent off an email from my iPhone that I had composed while I was at the gate, waiting for my flight...which basically said "I am done with you. And right now, I am done with LA. So don't try to come find me. I want nothing to do with you ever again." Of course within a few min I got a few calls and a couple emails, but I didn't care. We were taking off, and I was free. I first went Boston to visit a very good friend of mine and her family, and stayed with them for a few days. Yes, it was rough...I kept getting emails and phone calls from HIM, but I had already made up my mind, and I needed to follow through. The emails were just as expected...professing love, pretending to be remorseful...but I knew better. After all, how could someone who "loves you" treat you with such disrespect, and be so full of pure anger and project that on you? Telling you that EVERYTHING is your fault...always so quick to criticize that you feel like you are constantly on eggshells because you never know when he is going to explode on you... Yep, I had enough of the drama.
Well, since that day exactly two years ago, I have taken quite the journey...and I thank God everyday that I left that relationship. Granted the scars aren't all totally healed...probably far from it, but I am SO MUCH stronger. And at the end of the day, my spirit was not defeated. I am still the outgoing, positive person that I have always prided myself on being. My light still shines brightly.
And as I sit here on the long plane ride to Tokyo, I remember two and a half years ago, (in fact, it will be three years on Jan. 21, 2011) when I left my life in Japan and was coming back to the U.S. Hmmm, ok, so I don't know if someone who has spent her whole life in Tokyo would say " coming back to the U.S." but anyway, I was coming to the country where I was going to make a new home.
I hadn't even been to visit the States in over 14 years...crazy, right?
When I was on that flight, I was traveling with HIM...but I was broken, and miserable.
And now, fast foward almost three years later and I am going back to Tokyo to visit the friends, the city that I know so well.
I still am not quite adjusted to life in the U.S....and I am still trying to figure out my life work wise...but I have come a loooong way. I have had some hilarious and incredible experiences over the past few years in the States. And I have also had some truly frustrating and disappointing experiences as well. But it's ok. I am stronger for it.
I have no idea what the next two weeks will hold for me, but I can tell you this...it will be one heck of a homecoming.